Fulfilling biological imperatives: survival and replication value + hypergamy
The biological premise of attraction at its reactor core is ‘survival and replication value’ or aka ‘SRV’. Women are unconsciously seeking men with high survival value, and men are unconsciously seeking women with high replication value. Survival value is simplified as anything that assists with the survival of offspring, a partner or civilisation. Replication value is simplified as anything that assists with increasing the breeding potential for civilisation to expand & grow.
Having high levels of survival value (in men):
- Having a job
- Having good health
- Being physically strong
- Having high degrees of assertiveness (indictor of social dominance)
- Having a strong sense of life purpose
- Having a home
- Being tall (non-verbal indictor of potential dominance over others)
- Having a strong identity
- Having good leadership abilities
- Being decisive
- Being resilient in character (high levels of perseverance)
- Having high levels of ambition / drive / determination
- Having high amounts confidence
- Having high self-esteem
- Having high levels of mastery in a particular skill set
Having high levels of replication value includes (in women):
- Having good physical and mental health
- Having an hourglass shape & being slim
- Compassionate & empathic in nature
- High degrees of youthfulness (or innocence / cuteness)
- Healthy skin
- Healthy hair
- Good teeth and good smile
- Altruistic giving and the ability to unconditionally give & love
‘Hypergamy’ is a dualistic biologically driven dating strategy women use to select a mate. Depending on different phases in her life a women will prioritise different male archetypes. Within the ages of 20 – 27 years old, a woman sexual market value is very high. At this age they are normally at there most radiant. Not that women past this time can’t be radiant. Typically youthfulness is a biological attraction trigger for a man. A slim, very innocent, empathic 27 year old, will have more sexual selection at her disposal compared to that of a 57 year old woman who will by default will being more mature and appear not as radiant and youthful in most cases. Though this can of course be modified through diet, exercise, make up, fashion and character development.
Around the ages of 20 – 27 years old, this would be considered the ‘party years’ of a girls life where a lot of men will approach her if she has high replication value. At this age women typically tend to look for more masculinised features in a man: social dominance, high status, high confidence. Often referred to as more ‘alpha’ traits. As her sexual market value begins to drop, her sexual relevance begins to drop and she feels more pressure to find a mate. The feeling of dread sinks in as she realises if she wants children, she will have to find the best mate possible before she is too sexually irrelevant to be selected by a mate. This is often why we see more and more women starting a family around 27 years of age plus. The more dominant males are seen as good suitors for their genetic benefits rather than their fatherhood abilities.
After the 20 – 27 age mark a woman values in a man begin to shift from simple sexual fling of having a more dominant man as a fuck buddy to now beginning to settling down with a male who might be less dominant but has the provisioning & affluence aspects of what would be more suited for a good father. A common dynamic I often see in Preston (my home city) is you often see women gain the genetic component of more ‘alpha’ partner and will have a child with him. Yet they often break up and then mother will look for a more ‘beta’ more compassionate male partner to assist with the parental aspects of child’s life.
The male aspects of hypergamy is that as men age, their sexual market value increases. Men are like fine wine. As men age they typically gain more survival value. They grow in financial security, confidence, mastery, social status and gain a stronger sense of self. So really, men don’t have the same pressure to marry at 20 – 27 years of age. I recommend that men just focus on developing themselves up to till the 35 – 38 mark before considering getting married (everyone to their own though). When men are around the 35 – 38 year old mark a man’s sexual market value is at its highest and will have more selection over mate if he is truly maximising his health, social life and financial security.
Here is a link to the rational male blog which discusses inter-gender hierarchies and the sexual market value of both males and females: https://therationalmale.com/2012/06/04/final-exam-navigating-the-smp/
Social magnetic tendencies: the universal law of polarity:
With every element, it has its opposite. Polarity indicates everything has 2 sides which are equal to some degree but opposite in another and coexist together. For example there are positives / negatives in the world happening simultaneously in the world. Any pairs of opposites you can think of, they are in balance with one another. The particular pair of opposite we are focusing on within this article are really personality styles which the majority would identify as being either ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’.
Dysfunctional compatibility: codependents and narcissists:
Polarity can take on many forms, including forms of dysfunctionality. Codependency being the disease of the lost self. Often times when a child is shamed in the primitive years of 0 – 10 for displaying human rights, anger, needs, wants and has to emotional caretake the parent (parentified children) in order to get his / hers physical needs met, the child will become codependent in nature, which is actually an addiction too. Codependents normally have poor boundaries, altruistically giving, self-sacrificing and addicted to external validation.
Narcissists are greatly admired by society for being bold, totally self-absorbed, physically attractive, dominant, having high social status. Everything a codependent is not to certain degrees. Codependents compare themselves to narcissists & admire them for embodying qualities the codependent find hard to express. They will typically try to socialise with them to absorb their qualities. This and is common form of ‘societal narcissistic idealisation’ within many western cultures. Narcissists are admired as they are socially confident but deep down their extremely wounded people…
Narcissists are highly attracted to codependents because they are so giving. A narcissist can easily gain narcissistic supply & esteem from a codependent. The narcissist is all about his / hers own wants / needs and the codependent is overly focused on everyone else’s needs / wants, so the two go hand in hand.
This is what some have referred to as ‘the dance of wounded souls’. Essentially like two half people coming together to make ‘close’ to a whole person. Both parties fulfil each others maladaptive forms of gaining external validation to gain self-esteem.
The only way out of this paradigm is to strive to reach a place of wholeness and integrity within ourselves, and then can come into a place within relationships of interdependency and autonomy.
The art of masculine and feminine polarity:
“The mastery of polarization is the mastery of the mental transmutation or mental alchemy. Unless you acquire the art of changing your own polarity, you will be unable to affect your environment…. The principle of true, but the results obtained depend upon your own persistent patience and practice.”
|Core Masculine Traits
Sense of mission leading to freedom
Living on the edge
Growth from challenge
Definitive and decisive
|Core Feminine Traits
The search for love and intimacy
Deep, radiant beauty
Growth from support and praise
Ambiguous and unpredictable
The art of repolarising your less dominant parts of yourself to attract the opposing energy:
We can literally work on repolarising certain aspects of our nature to attract opposite tendencies in another. I have experimented with this for over a year and seen massive differences in the women I now attract. By embodying the traits that have been dormant or potentially healing parts of you that have been shamed, we can become more autonomous on our own and can become more attractive to our partners. A woman with a masculine layer who really desires a more masculine man can begin to embody more feminine traits and will begin to attract a more masculinised man. Vice versa with a more feminised man embodying more masculinised features, he will find it more optimal to attract a more traditionally more feminised woman.
This serves as a two fold purpose. The first being that it forces us all to heal & reach a state of wholeness and integration within ourselves. The second purpose being is it helps us attract a partner we know we deserve and deeply desire.
I potentially will go over this in more depth in future blog posts
Until next time go forth, and may your power be legendary
From your friendly neighbourhood coach
Joshua Leo Stuart